Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
