She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
