3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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