Already got asked if we're dating
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
