My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize