You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
