i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize