A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
