Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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