No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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