I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
