I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
