i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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