No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
