i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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