i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
