I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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