Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm having to shit out rocks
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