Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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