I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
