um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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