I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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