We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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