I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
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Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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