I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
