I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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