So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
