he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
