Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
