i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
