Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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