I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
