He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
