pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
