is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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