this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
