Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
