i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
