i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
