I just saw a hot homeless man
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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