Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
