Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
