Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
