So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
