apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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