i think my tv is drunk
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
