Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
