i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
