i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
