oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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