Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
