you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
