just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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