I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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