I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
