I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
