Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
