I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize