My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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