Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize