Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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