Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
