wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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