dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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