he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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