just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
