apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
