What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
