Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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