btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
