i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i now understand why vodka
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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