So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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