I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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